So I am going to start writing about recovery and addiction. I am actively sober for over 25 years. In that time I viewed alcohol as my primary addiction. But I also know that I have an eating disorder – no make that an addiction to food. No make that . . . Here is where I am at on addiction in general and specifically. I do (have done) stuff – like alcohol, drugs, caffeine, nicotine, food, behaviors – to avoid that which is real. That is I drank so I did not have to face one version of reality. I eat compulsively for the same reason. What I know is that I can stop the overt behavior or the addiction for a while, but cannot stay stopped if I do not address the underlying reasons for the addictive behaviours.
This August 4, I will be sober for 29 years. I am active in the recovery community. But I also still practice addictive behavior – most overtly now with food. So I want to start writing to explore all that. As a compulsive overeater and a compulsive person, I know that I need to lose 54.8 lbs. But I am less interested in losing the 54.8 pounds than I am in coming to understand and act on why it does not really matter whether it is carrots or grapes (0 weight watcher points) or a pint of ice cream, I will eat compulsively all the same, if my mind is in that place. If my mind is not in that place, then there is no issue overeating. I want to begin on that path of understanding . . .