More on Pink Clouds

istanbul_blue mosque34I had my own break through on this business of Pink Clouds a while ago.  I was sitting at a professional conference in New Orleans with a fellow I had been in graduate school with.  He was bemoaning his pending divorce, professional dilemmas and so forth.  My response was to very carefully articulate a concept that had been running through my head for some time by then.  I carefully said each of the following words “If every breath I have taken, and every action I have done, was necessary to getting me to sitting right here where I am today, I would not change a thing.”  I then talked about the living amends I had made over the years to family and friends.  That as I live more fully into recovery, I can be more of service to others.  That I can give back what has been given to me.  That I have the opportunity to model sane behavior to family and friends.  That is what reconciles.

I felt cleansed by my proclamation to my colleague.  I decided that henceforward, I was only going to speak my truth about life and recovery.  I was not going to try and just fit in by exaggerating the problems that were really not there.  I was not going to be the self-deprecating ranter about my tales of woe either past or present beyond their true shape.  And for the most part, I have stayed true to this commitment.  Or, I should say that I am living into that truth and that commitment.  That experience cannot be taken away.

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