I had my own break through on this business of Pink Clouds a while ago. I was sitting at a professional conference in New Orleans with a fellow I had been in graduate school with. He was bemoaning his pending divorce, professional dilemmas and so forth. My response was to very carefully articulate a concept that had been running through my head for some time by then. I carefully said each of the following words “If every breath I have taken, and every action I have done, was necessary to getting me to sitting right here where I am today, I would not change a thing.” I then talked about the living amends I had made over the years to family and friends. That as I live more fully into recovery, I can be more of service to others. That I can give back what has been given to me. That I have the opportunity to model sane behavior to family and friends. That is what reconciles.
I felt cleansed by my proclamation to my colleague. I decided that henceforward, I was only going to speak my truth about life and recovery. I was not going to try and just fit in by exaggerating the problems that were really not there. I was not going to be the self-deprecating ranter about my tales of woe either past or present beyond their true shape. And for the most part, I have stayed true to this commitment. Or, I should say that I am living into that truth and that commitment. That experience cannot be taken away.